The Intimacy Trap, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Skull

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles interpret great sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, having sex brings tremendous significance and effects.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:

A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready too).

B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are involuntary and strong , causing effective feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, nearness, love, and wellness .

When issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got check over here issues, however the sex is terrific!" They probably would not admit it, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, says that many of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys particularly in urbane areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".

Nonetheless, North adds, "I think this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a given that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow gradually.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and reality hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with common sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, goals, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!

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